Original:

I remember when I saw my father cry for the first time.

I was only ten years old, and sitting in the emergency room.

Three mistakes by the nurse were enough to break him.

Squeezing my hand with his eyes to the floor, he began to cry.

Why were we here?

Why was my stoic father in tears?

His youngest son’s life had just changed forever.

I remember watching the police point guns at my friends and me.

The sirens and lights went on behind us.

We sat in confusion and then panicked,

There were eight of us in a seven passenger van.

That was the least of our worries.

Cruisers swarmed around us.

What the hell is happening?

Weapons drawn and shouting orders

An officer walked around the front of the van.

I stared down the barrel of his gun.

I remember the night my mom surprised my brother and I with our dog.

My father said there would never be an animal in his house,

But circumstances had changed and he was a bit softer.

Mom called my brother and me downstairs.

“Whose backpack is on the counter?” she asked.

Forget that, “why is it moving?” I wondered.

Then he poked his little white nose out of it.

A few weeks old and only weighing a few pounds,

That’s when my life really changed.

Revision:

Ten.

I remember when I saw my father cry for the first time.

He sat with me in the emergency room.

Three mistakes by the nurse on my little hand were enough to break him.

Squeezing my other hand with his eyes to the floor, he began to cry.

Why were we here?

Why was my stoic father in tears?

His youngest son’s life had just changed forever.

A few months later.

Mom surprised my brother and me with our dog.

My father said there would never be an animal in his house,

But circumstances had changed and he was a bit softer.

Mom called my brother and me downstairs.

“Whose backpack is on the counter?” she asked.

Forget that, “why is it moving?” I wondered.

Then he poked his little white nose out in my direction.

I stared in magnificent disbelief.

Seventeen.

The sirens and lights went on behind us.

We sat in confusion and then panicked,

Eight passengers and only seven seats.

Cruisers swarmed around us.

What the hell is happening?

Weapons drawn, shouting orders,

Hearts pumping, thoughts racing.

An officer walked around the front of the van.

I stared down the barrel of his gun.