Jenn
Kilgallon
Poem
2
Sept.
16, 2013
The Sailor and
The Child
Pansies and
hummingbirds,
And the color
bright blue.
Love for all
things living,
Old and new.
She was a sailor
and an adventurer,
Strong, full of
laughter, and pink-cheeked,
Travelling far
and wide
Ireland, Canada,
Scotland, and Africa,
And always
keeping in mind the little things.
She taught us to
love,
To grow into
strong women,
To recognize all
the blessings in life.
One, two, three,
four…
Family, friends,
good food, and education.
Five, six,
seven, eight…
Lord our God,
Holidays, warm
fires, and tea.
Nana was her
name.
She had a love
for all of nature
And all of
colors.
Pansies, and
flowers, tomatoes, and hummingbirds.
She prayed daily
And swore to God
she’d forever honor him.
She’d attend
church daily in a blue blazer,
Then give
Eucharist to hospital patients.
From learning to
plant flowers,
Then to playing
piano,
Then prepping
for college,
She taught me to
laugh, to enjoy the little things,
To always drink
tea,
And to stay
strong.
Nana passed a
few months ago.
But all her
loves and blessings
Stay with me
each day.
All the little
things.
I grew up to be
who I am
Because of her
teachings,
And I learned
from her
To embrace all
of life.
Original:
Jenn
Kilgallon
Poem
2
Sept.
16, 2013
[Untitled]
Pansies and
hummingbirds,
And the color
bright blue.
Love for all
things living,
Old and new.
She was a sailor
and an adventurer.
Travelling far
and wide
And always
keeping in mind the little things.
She taught us to
love,
To recognize all
the blessings in life.
One, two, three,
four…
Family, friends,
good food, and education.
Five, six,
seven, eight…
Lord our God,
Holidays, warm
fires, and tea.
Nana was her
name.
She had a love
for all of nature
And all of
colors.
She prayed daily
And swore to God
she’d forever honor him.
Her family came
first, and
Everything else
second.
Nana passed a
few months ago.
But all her
loves and blessings
Stay with me
each day.
All the little
things.
5 comments:
I really enjoyed your revision. I especially liked how you retained the repetition and the counting, and how you kept the first stanza and then used the pansies and hummingbirds part again later in the poem, it ties the beginning to the end very well and helps maintain a kind of innocence within the poem. One area you could develop more is when you talk about what Nana taught "us". Who is "us"? Are they siblings? Cousins? your family in general? I would add more details to this section and tell the reader more about "us".
Jenn,
I love, love, love your second poem! the first few lines just draw you in so well as if you are seeing the hummingbirds and the color blue and seeing her as a sailor all these things are so strong and bring you in. My favorite line most of all is "She taught us how to love." This line just struck gold for me and it made me and I hope others that sometimes your parents aren't the ones to teach you love but your Nana to teach you that is much more significant and it shows how important Nana is in your life.
I would say for a aspect to be fixed would maybe bring some of the times or maybe like one specific memory of her and put it in their. Describe the moment, touch, taste, smell etc. I think that would make this poem complete.
"Strong, full of laughter, and pink-cheeked..." I really enjoyed your revision, you did a wonderful job providing a detailed snapshot of Nana. "She'd attend church daily in a blue blazer/then give Eucharist to hospital patients;" I could imagine who Nana was when I read these lines.
The juxtaposition of her being a strong sailor and yet a gentle patron is really powerful. I also like how you named a few of the places she'd been to. She traveled 'far and wide' while still keeping in mind the little things suggests that one could deem everything else as trivial after exploring the way she had, but yet she still managed to remember the little things people often take for granted.
The imagery was bold, yet delicate, which is how I imagine Nana to have been.
It is a little unclear who else you're referring to in 'She taught us,' but other than that, this is a fantastic revision.
Forgot to mention, I like the title
Hey Jenn! I have to say i LOVE this revision! I feel like you really get to know who your nana is within the poem, I really enjoyed it. The only thing I would change is maybe leaving the last stanza out? I think that from the poem we understand how much she influenced your life and helped you grow, i don't think you need to leave that part. But awesome poem!
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