FILTHY HYPOCRITE
You’re the one who said you loved me,
You’re the one who told me you would never leave,
But you did
And now you’re the one telling me that I
I was the one who fell in love with you
But it wasn’t
You blamed me for walking away
But did you realize
That you gave me every reason to
Hey!
You aren’t listening
Stop pretending you’re a saint
You were the coward
And changed your mind for someone else
I remember every time that you
Told me forever and always
You never heard my side of the story
Never really cared at all
Nor did you think my part valid
You called me a liar
You filthy hypocrite
Never have your words
Lined up with your actions
You aren’t sorry.
Poem #7
10/5/2013
I have no clue what you are talking about.
I didn’t think you were going to walk away.
I thought you would be here waiting for me.
You fell in love with me.
Despite what you think, I am sorry.
You didn’t take any time in moving on.
You said you would wait for me.
But you never did.
You just chose to move on without me.
I never stopped loving you.
3 comments:
Haley
I really, really like how much you drastically changed the speaker in the revised poem. By making the subject of the original poem the speaker of the revised poem the reader gains an entirely new perspective on the situation between the two lovers
I think the revised poem is really intriguing and I think it may be more powerful if you bring some of the angry energy from the fist poem into it-how does the new speaker feel about the accusations thrown at him/her in the first poem? I would imagine they would be angry but perhaps not, I think if you play up whatever emotion they are feeling though it will make the poem more emotionally charged
Great job!
Hayley,
I liked how much of a difference your revision is than your original. I fell like their is alot more feeling in your second one than your first one. It gives the same message in both but the revision gives it a short and sweet effect.
I would suggest I really liked the line that says hey! it catches your attention I would really like to see it in your second one because it captures your attention really well and its not a usual thing we see in most poems. But overall good poem and good revision.
Cutting the length down vastly improve the poem. The original seems to say the same thing over and over again, but when you remove so much of it the images become more self contained and more on point. Excellent revision.
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